Weekend News

Welcome back everyone. Time for the Weekend News.

Piece 1

Cigarettes may be getting even pricier in California. To me this makes perfect sense. Tobacco has been around a long, long time, and probably hasn't been trendy in ages. By raising the price on such an unwanted item, club drug makers can slash prices and increase their profits, while crack dealers may finally be able to get a healthier chunk of the market. Its economics folks.

Piece 2

Honda is going to manufacture planes. In fact, the article quotes that they wish to make the "Honda Civic" of planes, specifically for business jets. This is exactly what I hoped to hear. If my guess is right, and I know it will be, look up the next time you're near BWI or Denver International. You'll be able to catch a Honda plane taking off, being piloted by a trust fund baby flying off to a meeting for his new job, AKA daddy's bank. The craft will contain spoilers on both wings, a cheap paint job that shows spots of the old color beneath it, and the landing gear will always be down in order to show off the K-Mart rims. On its way it will be flying towards a small white suburb in order to pick up "easy chicks" while blasting "Lean Back" from a set of speakers that are dangling out of the cargo hold, with the bass up so high you can't hear the words. Also, there will be no autopilot, because "Automatics are 4 fags!", and there will be a class action lawsuit when several planes crash after the pilot tried to drop from "fourth to neutral".

Piece 3

A former Christian Radio station in Fresno has now changed formats to Porn Radio - all sex, all the time. In addition to playing songs like "Sexual Healing", the station adds moans and groans to their tamer songs in order to enhance them. While no one is sure if the station will remain this way or not, there's little doubt that sooner or later a good religious family will tune in one Sunday afternoon only to hear the Devil Music. Maybe then they'll actually have to explain to their children what sex and love is, instead of constantly sheltering them from the facts of life. That, or they'll burn the car for purification purposes. Expect many calls to insuracne companies in the next month.

Piece 4

Speaking of oversensitive conservative types, we can once again thank their efforts against the Janet Jackson Super Bowl scene for screwing the rest of us over. Thanks to stricter FCC sanctions, Public Television statements are worried whether they can show "The War", a new WW2 documentary by Ken Burns, because it features stories from soldiers that may include profane language or grotesque depictions. So apparently it is more than okay to show "Two and a Half Men" on network television, and "Sex and the City" on basic cable, but god forbid if someone tries to educate the public on one of the most defining, horrific, and important moments of our nation's history. Now I'm only waiting for the ultra liberals to accuse the conservatives of hiding the facts of war in order to send their children off to fight their battles, resulting in an even bigger headache for me. Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. And they say they're thinking of the children...



And our Miracle Baby... Society

According to this About.com article, some "video game research" paper claims that not only are the ESRB ratings innacurate, but that the game Pac Man is "64% violent". I guess that means that an ancient game about a man eating (already dead) ghosts is overly violent for children, but football, Nascar and hunting are perfectly fine. Oh, and apparently we can assign a percentage of violence to a game. This sole number proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that this and any other study like it is conducted by paranoid, insane people who are as afraid of a new medium as their parents were of Rock 'n Roll. Pleasant dreams to all the researchers, politicians and "concerned people" out there. I hope it isn't too uncomfortable sleeping on that straw man of yours.

That's it for today ladies and gents. Feel free to check out my review of Frequency, and drop a line if you're so inclined. Enjoy the weekend.