Friday, March 16, 2007

Pink


At the liquor store, I walked past a curious display on the way to the register. It was there that I discovered one of the most blatant attempts at making a lot of money off of young (mostly underaged), stupid drinkers.

Meet P.I.N.K. Its vodka with caffeine and guarana infused in it, so you can stay up and drink even longer than usual.

Times are changing in the world of alcohol. A new wave of young drinkers, especially women drinkers, is flooding the market, and it has become the case where even a freshman in high school can get to booze if they really want to, and college guys are following the ladies in their drinking habits so that everyone is happy. In order to attract these consumers, companies have been creating all sorts of wilder (or if you're an older drinker, blashpemous) concoctions using fruit juice, chocolate, vanilla, and anything else sweet. It has lead to vodkas, rums, malt beverages and others that taste like kool-aid more than a spirit. This kind of alcohol has the double benefit of tasting like something they already know and like while still getting them hammered, as opposed to the strong, burning flavor of your average spirit. New marketing techniques are also needed in order to make this stuff sellable (you're not going to see 40 year olds running out to by banana schnapps).

So let's break down PINK and see just how clever it is. Most traditional spirits try to convey a look of class and sophistication, proudly presenting their quality and heritage, and always come in a glass bottle. The drink comes in a frosted plastic bottle (it certainly didn't look like glass from my view), with a sleek and minimalistic label. Its shape and color reminded me of a shampoo bottle. A blog comment I saw said "it looks and sounds like something that would sit next to a tween's lip gloss", and I tend to agree. Kids these days detest anything that looks old or outdated - "sleek and sexy" is the phrase of the times, and having it look like another familiar product is quite clever. PINK's bottle is much easier to abuse (and hide) than a fifth of Scotch, and since everything's made of plastic these days a teen would feel right at home with it (whereas an adult might take offense to a premium vodka not being bottled in a glass).

Which leads to my next point; PINK goes for $40 a bottle, more apparently in some areas. That puts it in the super premium price range with other popular names like Grey Goose. As the Goose has shown, it is very easy to dupe young folk into paying more for a hyped up name in hopes of obtaining quality and luxury. Any taste test on vodka I've ever read puts Grey Goose squarely in the middle, and often misses "top 10" lists, whereas as cheaper stuff like Smirnoff usually impresses for the price. PINK could put any hooch in that bottle and make people believe it is liquid diamond. That is not to say that it isn't good without trying it, but it would be hard to convince me that part of that price tag isn't name and image.

Finally, I don't really like the idea of caffeine infused liquor. If PINK really is worth its price, then there are two things we know about it. One, it shouldn't be mixed with anything, and probably shouldn't be done as shots either. Two, you shouldn't be drinking a lot of it at once. Yet the idea of caffeine in your drink is to help you stay up and drink more, and while that doesn't necessarily mean you have to drink more PINK, if the night goes on long enough a group of kids probably will finish the bottle in a night. That's good for sales, and disrespectful to the fine art of enjoying quality spirits. My friends and I would never demolish a whole bottle of Gentlemen Jack in a night, but I guess when you're young, reckless and full of disposable income you don't really care about such things.

Will PINK take off? I'm sure it will. Hell, I'm surprised no one thought of this sooner. Nevertheless, I'm getting quite bothered at what the drinking scene is becoming, as college and high schoolers encourage wasting quality liquor and skimping on cheap beer. In fifteen years you might walk into an Applebee's and be unable to buy a drink that doesn't taste like Kool Aid.

I'll let you know if I ever see it on campus.